Freedom
by CheeseLover13
Summary: Arizona tries to process what Callie tells her on their last day of being apart by taking actions into her own hands and causing the most controversy yet.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: WARNING: Do not read if you are not comfortable with self hatred.

A/N2: Hey, guys. I really appreciate all the reviews and follows I've received from you guys in my past fanfics. But right now, I'd like to politely ask you not to be too mean to me with this fic because it's really close to my heart. I've been dealing with lots of self doubt and have been trying to cope in various ways and this has been a form of liberation for me. So please, all I ask is for you to play nice in this fic only. Always appreciate all you have to say and give, xoxo.

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><p>As my Calliope talks about our thirty day separation, I can't breathe. First, because she's crying and it takes all in me not to jump and comfort her; second, she starts saying how much fun she was having on our break; <em>third, she says she feels free. <em>

_Free? _

_She feels free?_

_How?_

She tells me how she didn't feel so suffocated during our time apart.

_I suffocated her?_

_I drowned her?_

_How was I not able to see that?_

She wants to love herself and she wants me to love me.

_She didn't love herself? How? She's practically the fucking perfect person on the planet._

_How could she want me to love myself when all I can feel at this moment is all the self hatred eating at me alive?_

_How dare she?_

She leaves.

The therapist gives me a shocking look. A look as if she can't believe this herself, but rather stay silent and wait for me to say something.

"Aren't you supposed to say something?", I tell her bitterly while biting the inside of my cheek so hard it draws blood.

"Arizona, don't take what Callie said personally. She was expressing how she felt. That is what you both came here for. You recognized the toxic communication skills you both were encountering and looked for help. There's nothing wrong with that, Arizona. Now you've both learned how to communicate and will hopefully use the tools I gave you to speak clearly with each other."

A few minutes pass by and all I can do is stare at where my leg was meant to be.

I hate it.

It despise it all.

I want it to stop.

"I came here to fix our marriage and since that effort is out the door, I guess I have nothing to here." I manage to say without losing my fight against all the emotions slamming through my body while getting up and heading towards the door.

"Arizona, just because Callie decided it was best to separate doesn't mean you have to stop your sessions." I heard our therapist say before I slam the door and run past the waiting area and head outside to take a breath.

As the cool Seattle air hits my face I hurry to the nearest trashcan and empty the contents of my stomach repeatedly. I don't remember it being so hard to breathe. Well, except if you count the plane crash and my internal bleeding; but at least I had Callie to go to. I had my Calliope; my anchor.

I'm gasping for air and trying to focus on my surroundings so I don't pass out. After a few minutes I finally feel my panic attack settle down for the moment.

I carry myself towards the car.

_Of course she called a taxi._

I take a deep breath after I'm settled behind the wheel and buckled into my seat.

_It still smells like her. _

I grab on tightly to the steering wheel as I hold back the sob that is threatening to break my resolve. I set the gear into drive and make my way home.

_I love her. _

As I pull into our driveway , get out of the car, and make my way into the house, I run as fast as I can towards the bedroom we were meant to share. Once I arrive I grab my suitcase and put in as much of my clothes as I can.

"Arizona, what are you doing?", I hear her voice and it almost interrupts my packing.

"I'm getting my stuff," I answer as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

"Arizona, don't do that. Please, you wanted this house. You fought so hard for it even when I wasn't sure about it. It's your house. If anyone is leaving, it should be me.", Callie tries to reason with me.

"Neither of us should have been leaving." I say in a harsh tone, but I can't help it, I'm losing control and the only person who can fix it ,can't.

Won't.

"I fought for this house because I wanted to grow old in it with you. I wanted to fill each room with a child and- and have pets!" I ramble off, "But you don't want it, you don't want_ any_ of it. So you can keep it. Sell it. Burn it for all I care. I don't want what's left." I tell her while continuing to throw things into my bag.

I feel her approach me and I try to keep moving while I feel another panic attack coming after me. Upon seeing me slow down to try to catch my breath she runs right beside me and rubs her soft hands over my back.

"Try to breath, Arizona. Take a deep breath. In and out, follow me." she tells me while looking at me with her beautiful brown orbs.

The orbs she won't let me wake up to every morning anymore.

As I follow her - as I always have, I look into her eyes and try to search for answers, "Why, Callie?", I ask her feeling tears form in my eyes again.

"Arizona, I told you already. We're suffocating each other. It's not healthy. We're better off apart, you know that," she tells me while holding back her own tears.

"No, Callie. I suffocated you," I tell her and finally allow my tears to fall.

"Arizona…" she tries to interrupt me but I stop.

"No, Callie. It's true, I-I suffocate you. I suffocate you with my needs, with my anger, with my infidelity. I suffocated you!" I scream at her and she darts her vision towards my earrings because she secretly agrees with me, " I suffocate you with breaking my rule for newborns. I suffocate you with saying I love you first. I suffocate you with coming back from Africa for you. I suffocate you while accepting to raise the child you and Mark made while I was out there scratching my skin off for missing you. I suffocate you by asking you to marry me. I suffocate you by allowing Mark to come between us even after we were married. I suffocate you because I held on for four days just to see your face and Sofia's at least one more time. I suffocate you by pushing aside my recovery post- amputation so you could have your wife back. I suffocate you for trying to bring a child into the world only to miscarry by the third month. I suffocate you for wanting to be by your side while you were being sued even though we weren't talking. I suffocate you for trying to fix our marriage and going to counseling. I suffocate you with the truth of what I've been feeling for the past years. _I SUFFOCATE YOU!"_, I yell at the top of my lungs and then slowly fall on the ground and feeling my body shake in sobs.

"Arizona, no. It was never like that! You know it! Don't you see? I was suffocating you. For years! It's not fair for either of us, can't you see?" Callie tries to reason with me.

"No, Callie. You're what keeps me breathing. You, aside from our child, is what keeps me breathing!" I choke out between sobs because reality is a too cruel place for me to handle at the moment, "I-I had a hard time, sure. But Calliope, _I love you. _I love you with all I have and I try to give you the world but it's never enough… Why isn't it ever enough? What else can I give you?" I cry out to her on my knees and look into her eyes begging for the answer so I can surrender it to her and have her back, "Please, tell me what you want. I'll get it. Whatever you need, just _please _don't leave me."

I wait for an answer as I hold my head in my hands with my elbows over my knees. I'm in my most vulnerable state and on my knees, pleading with her to not give up on me.

"Arizona, I'm sorry. I just can't.", and with that she leaves the house and leaves me alone on the ground, in what was once our bedroom, yelling out to the God Calliope believes in and wondering why he would hurt me so much.

"WHY? FUCK YOU, GOD. YOU'RE BULLSHIT!" I yell out to the supreme power and gather my things and run out the house and take the car.

I drive aimlessly for a while until I find myself parking near the park Callie and I used to hang out at sometimes when we had the time.

I grab my purse and walk towards out bench and look at the scenery.

It was beautiful.

I wonder how Seattle could continue being so beautiful while I'm falling to pieces because my wife is done with trying to repair our marriage.

As much as I want to run and find Callie and try to convince her that we're worth it, I stop myself. After all, she says she feels free when she doesn't have to deal with us. It's the last, most painful thing I could give her.

I wonder why the universe is so determined to shatter my nirvana time and time again.

I wonder why it had to take my brother, why it had to make Sofia be conceived by Callie and Mark while I was crying over the nostalgia of not having my girlfriend in my arms, why it had to give my best friend cancer and make my other best friend get fired so she could move and take a better job, I wonder why the universe took Tim, why did it make my fellowship so damn difficult, and I mostly wonder why it had to make me crash into a truck and risk the lives of my now simply Callie and my child.

Why did the universe hate me so much?

Wasn't it enough with the hatred I had for myself?

I cried for hours on our bench and I looked at all the pictures on my phone.

It was hard to believe how five years of being together were suddenly not enough anymore and just a futile part of what our relationship once was.

It's hard to breathe.

Everything is so difficult without Callie.

I don't want to live in this world without Callie.

I don't want to be here if I can't see her smile in her sleep.

I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm tired of existing in this universe that insists on shattering everything that is important to me.

I'm done.

I pull out the small scalpel from my purse and hold it close to my wrist.

I take a deep breath and look at the scenery in front of me through my pain filled watery eyes.

It was beautiful.

I make the first cut and expect it to hurt, but it doesn't. It feels liberating to have a say in what goes on in the universe. I feel free from having to endure catastrophe after catastrophe.

I continue to cut both my wrists in various angles. I see the blood seeping out and it makes me feel in control.

I feel myself get lightheaded and my vision start to blur.

I take on more look at the scenery.

Still beautiful.

The world goes on without me and it still looks beautiful.

I close my eyes and allow darkness take over my senses.

Fuck _you_, Universe.

Be free, Calliope.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hey, guys!This fic was meant to be a one shot only, but upon reading your reviews, I decided to extend it to a couple of more chapters. I love reading your reviews, so don't shy away from sharing any. Hope you enjoy!

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><p>As Callie took her seat at the coffee shop that she and Arizona enjoyed going to for quick lunch dates, she thought back on the day she had heard of the little shop not that far from her job.<p>

They decided to try it out a couple of months ago after one of her patient's recovering from a hip replacement, insisted on her taking her "husband" out for a date at the new coffee shop his family had opened two blocks away from the hospital. Callie had laughed at the man's unknown error and told Mr. Jenkins that she would be happy to try it out whenever she found the chance.

About five months later, she and Arizona had found themselves with four free hours to kill before the other's next surgery. They took the chance and ran into an on-call room to relieve the stress with a high they could always bring each other to and where later on left with two hours to spare.

Upon having Arizona invite her to lunch down at the cafeteria, Callie remembered the shop Mr. Jenkins had told her to try out and suggested they go there instead, which Arizona happily obliged to.

When they had arrived, Callie immediately recognized Mr. Jenkins working behind the counter and approached the man so he could see for himself that she hadn't forgotten about checking the shop out.

Mr. Jenkins had been more than pleased to receive the doctor at his coffee shop and looked around to see if Dr. Torres had come alone in case she needed company. After all she had done for him medically, he didn't want her to sit alone on the first day she's come to check out his shop.

Upon not seeing anyone, he asked if she was in need of company, not wanting to impose his company on her either. He was surprised when Dr. Torres had told him that she had decided to come over for a quick date with her wife.

He had been taken aback by the revelation of his former doctor being married to a woman. He didn't have a problem with it, he just assumed it was a man because the doctor hadn't corrected him when he mentioned the word "husband" to her before. Either way, it didn't matter to him. He was just happy to have more customers.

Callie and Arizona had enjoyed the cappuccinos they had ordered and the grilled cheese Mr. Jenkins surprised them with as a gift for the work Callie had done on him and for remembering his shop.

Eventually, the café had become one of their favorite places to stop by at early in the morning when they had a chance to buy decent coffee after being called in earlier than when their shift began.

The brunette had also enjoyed taking her wife out to the shop whenever they had time for some decent lunch. It was a nice, cozy place to have a surprise date and she was more than pleased to give a little something to her wife for having rocked a surgery.

_Celebrating surgeries. _

Callie tried to hold back the tears as she thought about not being able to celebrate Arizona's accomplishments. The brunette took one last sip from her coffee and headed out the door to walk off the stress and thoughts that began to overwhelm her, but didn't succeed.

She knew she made the right decision by ending things before they got _even more_ out of hand.

She shook her head in disbelief as she felt tears threaten to escape their sanctuary.

_Even more out of hand? _

Was that even possible?

She and Arizona had gone through so much individually and as a couple that it scared her to no end to think that they could possibly make things worse. She knew that although they loved each other and wanted to be each other's happy ending, things just weren't all that simple.

Arizona and her had supported each other crisis after crisis. So much that they eventually forgot how to support themselves; how to know how to survive without the other.

Being in love, to her, didn't mean breathing only if the other person was there with them. It was meant to be something beautiful. Being in love should mean to be able to be yourself without having to hold back; allowing the other to see the pain you try to hide within because you know you can, they won't leave; it should be being happy and sharing that happiness with each other, together.

It shouldn't be accepting everything that the other desires simply because of the need of the other's company. It wasn't meant to be about resenting your lover because they were following their dreams.

What they were living wasn't what love should be.

And Callie desperately wanted the blonde to recognize that. But she also knew that now wasn't the time to explain it all to her; not when Arizona just poured out her heart to her and told her why she needed her in her life.

To be quite honest, when she had entered the therapy room hours ago, she thought she wouldn't be able to go through with it. She couldn't just let go of her wife. It hadn't been easy before and it didn't feel any easier then when she sat on that couch. But when she saw the desperate eyes of her wife, the distress and love in Arizona's voice, she realized something.

Distress and love weren't meant to be together.

Callie realized this and also substantiated that she didn't want Arizona to need her. She wanted the blonde to want her because she saw Callie as someone she could share everything with; not because Callie was her lifeline.

The brunette continued to walk around aimlessly and decided to call Meredith to see if she could drown her sorrows away with the dirty blonde.

Callie was surprised when her friend answered before the first ring could even finish.

"Meredith?" Callie asked.

"Jesus! Callie, I was just about to call you!" the dirty blonde yelled slightly through the phone.

Upon hearing the siren of an ambulance in the background, Callie wondered if her friend was busy with work, "Um, are you working? Cause we could -"

"Callie, listen to me," Meredith cut Callie off before she could finish.

"What? Did you kill your sister?" Callie said jokingly. Yet, upon not receiving a response, she became slightly concerned and acknowledged that the ambulance she heard wasn't necessarily from work. "Meredith? Are you there? Do you need me? Is everything alright?"

"Callie, listen to me carefully, okay?" Meredith answered carefully.

Callie began to panic once hearing the tone in the other doctor's voice. That was the voice doctor's spoke to the family members of patients when they had bad news.

"What the hell is going on, Meredith? Why are talking like that? Did something happen? Is that why I hear an ambulance?" the brunette asked while walking faster towards the hospital on instinct.

"Callie, try to calm down. Everything is mostly under control. Freaking out won't help, okay?" the dirty blonde tried to reason with her friend through the phone.

"Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down when you keep talking to me in that doctor voice?! Tell me what the hell is going on! It can't be Sofia because her nanny would be calling me, so tell me, what the fuck is going on!"

"It's not Sofia," Meredith answered and hoped that her friend knowing her daughter was okay would be enough to keep her grounded, "It's... Callie just make your way to the hospital, okay?"

The brunette choked out in relief upon hearing her daughter was okay, but once again began to feel agitated by not receiving a full answer.

"I'm already on my way there, Meredith. Just please, tell me what the hell is going on?" Callie pleaded, "_Please?"_

"It's… it's Arizona, okay?" Meredith caved.

"_What!?_" Callie shouted through the phone, "Is she alright? Please, tell me she's alright." the brunette cried, needing to hear that the woman she loved was okay.

"Just make your way to the hospital. Be careful, okay?" Meredith responded.

"Meredith, no! Listen to me, I'm almost there. Just please, tell what to expect for when I get there. It can't be that bad, right?" Callie said desperately, "Meredith! Damn it!" she shouted once she realized the line had gone dead.

Things weren't meant to get worse.


	3. Chapter 3

Yellow roses.

That's all she could see.

They were everywhere.

She touched her hair and felt how the rose adorned her face and giggled.

_How did that get there?_

She ran and jumped into a big pile of them and laughed out. She loved yellow roses; they were her favorite and she was more than happy to be surrounded by them.

As much as she was enjoying laying on the ground, she began to feel peevish. She felt little thorns scratch and tickle her skin. She picked on up and observed it. The thorns seemed odd. She tried stinging herself with them, but they bent. It was soft enough to tickle her palm but firm enough to not break. It was as if they were made of silicone.

She took the rose, brought it up to her nose, and inhaled the wonderful aroma.

It felt familiar and warmed her heart like it was home.

"Why do I love this smell so much?" she laughed at herself.

"Maybe because I brought you one every time you accomplished something you were scared of."

When Arizona heard the voice, it brought out the same heartwarming feeling that the scent of the rose had given her. She knew that voice in her heart, but couldn't put a name on it.

The blonde turned around to put a name to said voice and squealed upon seeing the stranger's face.

"Tim!" Arizona jumped out from the pile of roses and ran over to her brother and gave him a strong, loving hug.

"Hey, sis," Tim told his little sister, "You look older."

"Oh, shut up!" Arizona said while pulling back from the embrace to lightly punch her brother on the shoulder, "I've missed you so much, Timmy," she said feeling tears form in her eyes.

"I know, squirt." Tim said smiling warmly at his sibling.

"Are you saying you don't miss me? Because if I recall correctly, _you're_ the one that would crawl into my bed when we were kids because you missed your 'best friend', a.k.a. me, at school," Arizona mocked him.

"I know, I know. Don't remind me of how clingy I was with you," he said while wiping his face as if it could wash away the embarrassment.

"Hey, you know I loved being in your arms. You're the most amazing brother that I could ever ask for."

"No… I _was_ the most amazing brother," he corrected.

Arizona sniffed and felt a tear descend down her face, "Don't remind me…"

"I'm just teasing, sis!" he said back playfully.

Arizona took a few steps back avoiding her brother's gaze, "Well, it's not funny."

The young man approached his vulnerable sister and wiped away the tears that had fallen down her face, "I'm sorry. I won't joke like that again," he smiled down on his sister.

"You better not."

Tim took in the form of his sister. He had watched over her on occasion. He enjoyed being a part of her life although life and death had limited them. He had seen her, enjoyed the accomplishments and joys she had experienced. But also, he had seen the pain and anguish she had lived. He was ridiculously impressed with how she had managed to stay afloat, because if he was honest with himself, he probably wouldn't have lasted as long as his sister had. She was strong in his eyes no matter what other people or ghost would say about it. She was brave and she was strong.

"Zo, do you know why you're here with me?" he asked his sister.

Sometimes souls came to their chapter without knowing how they got there; other times, they would know, but wouldn't understand; and on some odd occasions, the souls would know everything and would barely know how to handle it.

Arizona shifted her gaze to the roses around her, "I know I had a part in this," she admitted.

"Yeah… you did," Tim said timidly, still not sure on how he should feel about his sister cutting her wrists.

"Am I dead?" the blue eyed female wondered more to herself than her brother.

"Zo… you cut your wrists," he shared the information that had been given to him before he met with his sibling.

Arizona's eyes looked up at her brother's in surprise, "I did?"

Tim sighed, "Yeah… You know, you haven't cut since you were…"

"I know, since dad was last deported," the younger blonde finished for her sibling.

"Yeah…" he said, "Zo… what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… what happened? You were so happy a couple of months ago. Actually, last time I checked on you, you were practicing with your roller-skates with-"

"Calliope," the younger blonde finished for her brother with a hoarse voice, immediately remembering the event he was referring to.

"Yeah, that hot wife of yours. By the way, nice choice. I would have _totally_ tried to steal her before you had gotten the chance," he said playfully.

"Could you not?" she responded angrily. She suddenly remembered how she had gotten to where she was. Well, at least her part. She felt the raw pain fill her once again so she became defensive by giving her brother a stern look, "I'm surrounded by my favorite flowers and I have you here. I would really like to enjoy this as much as I can."

"What? I was just playing! What has gotten into you? You're so uptight!" he fought back with a smirk, "Oh, god… Please tell me you're not pregnant." he then worried.

Arizona fought back the tears that threatened to fall as she was reminded of how this had all started. Well, at least this recent fight, "I'm not pregnant, Timmy," she whispered.

Tim furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Then what's wrong? You should be happy that I said I would have tried taking your girl," he said trying to enlighten the mood, "I only said it because that means she's a keeper," he smiled back at his sister causing Arizona to release a choked sob.

Tim lifted his sister's face and tried to find answers in her features as to why she was so sad, "What's wrong, sis?"

"Callie really is a keeper," she sobbed out to her brother.

"Okay…? Sis, I know you're having a hard time right now, but try to calm down," he said worriedly, "I can't help you if you don't explain what happened," he tried to reason.

The younger blonde was slightly confused, "Wait, you really don't know?" she asked receiving a shake of head from her brother, "Oh… I thought… I thought you were mocking me," the younger blonde confessed.

"What?! I would never mock you about your girl," he promised, "I just… I only got part of the information before I found you here," he explained, "Could you tell me what happened? Is Callie okay?"

Arizona tried her best to control the emotion slamming her body in waves, "Ye-yeah, she's fine. We just… Callie wants to separate," she finally blurted out.

Tim's eyes widened in surprise, "Oh…"

"Yeah… We, um, we wanted to have another baby…" Arizona drifter off as her statement got her thinking of her own baby," Oh, god, _Sofia_!" she panicked, "How could I do this to her? I-I'm a _monster_! What type of mother does this to their child?! She already lost one parent, why did I do this? I'm so _stupid_! So fucking stupid!" she said out loud as she felt guilt and self-hatred take over her body," I don't deserve to be a mother!" she cried out, "I-I don't deserve her. Why did I kill myself? I'm so self-"

"Arizona! Calm down!" Tim cut her off, "You're not dead! You're more like in… a personal limbo," he smiled at her trying to ease her worries.

"Wait…I'm not dead?" she asked, needing the reassurance.

"No, you're not," he promised.

"Oh… good…" she responded, not sure how to feel about being alive either.

"Yes..." Tim said catching on what his sister was probably thinking, "Could you finish explaining?"

Arizona took a deep breath preparing herself, "Yeah. Sorry…" she said as she put her concentration back on track, "Uh, we wanted to have another baby," she began once again. She figured by what her brother told her earlier of when he would catch up on her, that this was probably where she should begin. "So, we went on preparing our schedules and planning everything so that Callie could have a relaxing pregnancy. But unfortunately…" she whispered as tears began falling down her face, "Callie went to get checked up and was told she couldn't carry another child because of the car accident," Arizona croaked out, trying to control the stress in her voice.

"Is that why you did this? Do you feel guilty? Because, I'm sorry, Arizona. But that could have happened to anyone. This _is not_ your fault," Tim said confidently.

The younger blonde closed her eyes for a moment and then looked back at her brother, "I-I do still feel guilty about it. But that's not what made me do this," she explained.

Tim furrowed his brows in confusion, but allowed his sister continue.

"So, I offered to carry, but Callie didn't think we could handle it. She felt that if something went wrong, we wouldn't be able to survive it," she continued.

Tim scoffed angrily, "Did she say that because of what happened after your miscarriage?" he asked, causing Arizona to flinch at the word that would still haunt her at times, "Because if that's the case, she's full of shit. I know she went through a terrible car accident that risked her life as much as Sofia's, but that doesn't mean she knows how it felt for you to lose that baby," he insisted.

"Tim, that was her baby too, you know…" she pointed out to her brother and sighed.

Tim sighed as he realized he was probably being misunderstood, "I know that, Zo. But I saw how you were after the miscarriage," he confessed.

"Oh…" Arizona said shying away, feeling embarrassed of the weakness his brother had witnessed in her.

Tim paid no attention to it and continued, "Arizona, you left your bedroom so many times at night and went to the living room to cry your heart out because of your loss. You- You sobbed into the cushions , trying to stay quiet so you wouldn't bother your wife," he explained, " I know it was her baby too, but Zo, I saw how excited you were about it. And the day you found out you were pregnant? You wouldn't stop smiling," Tim smiled at her as he thought back on that happy day he witnessed, "But… but the day you lost the baby… you lost a little of your spark. I know your guilt face, Zo. But listen to me when I say, you didn't lose that baby because of something you did," he said confidently, "It just happened. Bad luck. But it was not your fault, okay?"

Arizona cried silently as she heard the comforting words of her brother. Although she didn't fully believe him, she didn't have it in her to fight back.

"Okay…" she whispered.

"No, look at me in the eyes," Arizona's brother demanded and she complied.

"That was_ not_ your fault. Bad things happen to good people," he insisted, "You just happened to be one of the victims. But you are _not_ to blame. It's just the universe being a bitch, okay?"

The younger blonde processed what her brother said. Could it be possible? Maybe she wasn't really at fault. She knew as doctor that some things just happen, but it wasn't so easy for her to forgive herself when it came to her own child. It pained her to know that she and Callie didn't have a single relaxing experience in motherhood. But she also recognized that some things just aren't meant to be. And maybe, unfortunately, the miscarriage was one of the things that just… happened.

"Okay," she whispered, "I'll _try _to stop blaming myself," she promised, "But Tim, don't judge Callie, "she pleaded, "She just… she wanted to protect us. She was trying to protect me. And that's something she shouldn't be ashamed of."

Tim sighed, "Okay. I'm sorry. I won't judge her," he said. And it was true, he would try not to. The thing was, he felt slightly bad for not being able to protect his sister from that kind of pain. But he felt hope when it came to Callie. He saw how protective she was about Arizona and when he became suspicious of how committed she was, it made him call things wrong, "I… I was wrong. Please continue?"

Arizona sighed, "Do we really have to keep up with this? I'm already wiped out talking of the miscarriage."

"I'm sorry, sis. But… this is the only way I can help. Think about it this way, the sooner we talk about it, the more free time we have with one another," he smiled at her.

Arizona grunted but caved, "Fine..." she said nervously.

Tim smiled at her, "Hey, no matter what you say, I won't be mad nor disappointed in you. I promise," he reassured.

The younger blonde sighed and continued where she left off, "So after that, we pretty much pushed away the idea of having another child. But, eventually, we decided on surrogacy…" she drifter off.

"Okay…" he said, trying to encourage his sister to continue.

"Around the same time, I became interested in starting a fellowship in fetal surgery. At first, Callie thought I was being selfish and wasn't thinking about the future of our family. So… I decided to not go through with it so that we could get the family we wanted, without the added stress," she explained.

"Arizona… you shouldn't have to sacrifice _everything._ Callie was probably stressed, but you guys could have worked something out."

"Hold on, Tim. I'm not done. Sheesh!" she laughed at her brother's impatience and overly active mind, "When I told Callie about just forgetting the idea of a fellowship, she rejected it. She insisted I go out for it and follow one of my dreams," she smiled, thinking back on that happy moment when they were finally supporting each other.

"Anyway, around that same time Callie became invested in helping soldiers with mind programmed prosthetics," Arizona smiled brightly at how amazing her wife… ex-wife… whatever she was.

"_That _is fucking awesome!" Tim yelled in excitement.

"I know," the younger blonde smiled in return, "So, as you can see we were pretty busy. Like… really fucking busy. We barely had time to go to the grocery store. It was bad," she said with wide eyes, accentuating what she had already said.

"We were both really stressed and tired and overwhelmed. But still, we held on to the idea of a child. We held onto it like it was our anchor," she croaked out and felt her vision blur with tears.

She didn't have an anchor anymore.

"Um…" she tried to stay focused and not let her emotions overtake her, "Eventually, the day we were meant to meet up with the surrogacy agent, came. Callie was having a mental breakdown and just… freaking out! She started talking about how we were so busy and wondered if we could really handle so much at once. I asked her if she wanted to wait a little longer for the baby," she explained.

"Callie _was not _pleased when I told her that. She became impulsive and demanded that I admit that I didn't want to have another baby," she paused for a second. She needed to take a breath before she continued. It was odd. She hadn't spoken to anyone of what had happened between her and Callie out of fear of feeling worse. She wanted to ignore it and just move on. She was desperate for something to be good in her life again, "I was beyond offended and fought back. The surrogacy agent came in right at that time and Callie lost it and stormed out," Arizona rubbed her eyes trying to wipe away the stress that came rushing back at her.

"I ran after her and demanded she tell me where that was all coming from. She told me that it was all too much and she didn't know if she could keep going on like this. Living in uncertainty when it came to me," she told her brother.

Tim assumed that was why his sister attempted suicide so he rubbed his hand on her back, trying to comfort her as much as he could, "Arizona, I'm so sorry. But you shouldn't have done that because-"

Arizona whimpered, "Tim, _please_, let me finish," she pleaded and sat down and continued when her brother did the same.

"Sorry, I just thought-" he began apologizing.

"I know. I know. I just-" she tried to explain but decided on just getting it all over with, "I was scared. Wait, no. I was _terrified_," she corrected herself, " I was terrified of losing her. How couldn't I be? She's _everything_…" she cried as she confessed everything to her brother.

"So I told her we needed therapy. I begged her to give it a chance. I needed for us to work," she continued, "She was hesitant at first but came around and accepted."

"We went to therapy. We tried to say it all and liberate ourselves from the baggage we carried together, but it wasn't working," she whimpered, "We said mean things. She questioned my ability as a mother and I began blaming her for some of my decisions. When my infidelity came into subject and we lost our battle with our emotions, the therapist intervened," she shared.

"She realized that we had shitty communication skills so she suggested we take a break. Like, a real break, so we could see if we really wanted to work on our relationship or if we were doing it out of habit. Callie didn't like the idea at all," she laughed as she thought back on her wife's cute demeanor, "I wasn't too fond of it either. But… I agreed."

Tim became confused, "Wait, didn't you say Callie was who wanted to separate? I'm-" he stopped when he saw the look his sister shot back at him, "Sorry, go on."

Arizona took a deep breath and continued, "I was desperate. I wanted it to work out, and if that was the only way we could do it, then I was going to take the risk," she explained, "So we did it. We went through a separation in which we didn't talk with each other and tried to live life without the other. We had a couple of times where we caved, but other than that, we did pretty good."

"As the days of waiting became a smaller amount, I became worried. I was scared that this may have not worked. But then, on day twenty-nine, Callie approached me and… we um… we slept together," she said blushing, "It made me so hopeful and happy that I just _knew_ we would be okay," she shook her head at how naïve she had been, "Anyway, when day thirty, the last day of our break, came, we had to go back to the therapist together," her voice became hoarse as she began the worst part, "I told Callie about how hard it was to be without her and how everything was just… _pure shit_ without her. I put my heart on the line and told her everything I felt for her and how sure I was about our future because I truly believed in us," Arizona began to cry and felt the knot in her throat try to suck her in.

"Hey, you can do it. I have a feeling you're almost done, kiddo," her brother encouraged her.

Arizona tried to calm down so she could finish, "When it became Callie's turn to talk…"

_You can do this._

"When it was her time to talk she began talking about how she thought she wouldn't be able to make it. But then, she said she felt _free_. She told me how she didn't feel so suffocated anymore while we apart and how she wanted more for one another, but separately. She wanted me to be free too… But _how_, Tim?" she sobbed out, "How could she think that I would feel free without her?"

"So she left and I was left stunned until I got the courage to leave that fucking office and left. I went home and packed some of my things. I didn't want to live in a place that would just haunt me with memories, you know? But of course, Callie was there and I lost my battle. I begged her, I was literally on-on my knees!" she cried and held onto her chest as if to help her contain the anguish in her soul, "I-I begged her not to leave me but she wasn't having any of it. She told me she couldn't keep doing this, that it wasn't healthy for us and left," she said through sobs.

"I couldn't take it so I… I just… I cut." she whispered.

Tim had tears falling down his face as he heard all that his sister had been going through since the last time he checked on her, "Zo, I'm so sorry. But you have to understand, _no one_ is worth ending your life for," he tried to reason with her.

"But Tim, she_ was_ my life. She was everything! How was I supposed to live without her then? How was I supposed to go on?" she sobbed.

"Zo, you figure it out! That's how. You have a moment to break down and then, you _go on_. "

Arizona cried into her hands out of frustration and tried to explain, "I get that, Tim. I do. But I was just so fed up with feeling pained all the time! It's like the universe has set a contract with the devil to ruin my life one person at a time! I don't have any friends! They die or they leave. I don't have a support system, it's just me. And now… Now I don't have a wife. I'm sorry, Tim, but it was just… _too much. _I-I needed it to stop." she croaked out and wiped at the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

Tim turned towards his sister and pulled her into a strong, heartfelt embrace. "Can I tell you something?" he asked his sister, not wanting to disturb her any received a sniff and shrug,so he continued," You know, Zo. You're a lot like these roses. You're perfect and beautiful like their beauty and smell. But did you see their thorns? They can't break. That's you, Zo. You're beautiful inside and out," he reassured her while caressing her hair as she cried into his shoulder, "And you can't push away the bad shit that has happened to you. It's meant to stay with you. As much as you want it to go and as much as you ignore it- it's there. But listen to me when I say this, just because you can't push the bad stuff away, the thorns that have come to your life, it doesn't mean you are less worthy or any less special. You're just… one of a kind. There is no one else like you in this planet, Zo. And I mean it when I say that _that_ world out there, _needs _people like you in it. So please, try to embrace your thorns and give the world the gift of having you in it. Okay?" he finished and pulled back so he could look into her eyes.

Arizona looked at her brother and felt comfort radiating from him to her. The comfort she had craved for so many years, "Thank you, Tim," she gave him a teary smile.

"Anytime, sis," he smiled in return.

"Do I have to leave now?" she asked sadly.

"No, sis. You can have me a little longer," he promised, "Just… enjoy this. Let whatever your feeling free and I'll be here for you just like old times."

The words were meant to poise the blonde, but it only caused her to cry harder.


	4. Chapter 4

_Lub-dub._

_Lub-dub._

_Lub-dub._

Her heartbeat.

It was all Callie could focus on as she stood in front of the hospital.

She wondered how her heartbeat could be so calm when her mind was in a turmoil. Was this another outer body experience? No, people would be singing.

It wasn't until a teenage boy pushed her by mistake that she was brought back to reality.

Arizona was hurt. She didn't know how or how severe it was but she knew the blonde was hurt- injured.

Callie began running through the ER's doors and made her way towards the front desk.

"Doctor?", she asked the nurse with a raspy voice. It wasn't until then that she realized she had been crying.

"I'm sorry? I can't understand you…" the nurse that was too busy paying attention to a file in front of her asked.

The brunette lost her temper and snatched it away from her causing the nurse to finally look up at her and recognize her, "Oh! Doctor Torres! I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Where is Doctor Robbins?" she asked angrily.

"Um, she arrived a few minutes ago, but Dr. Grey told me to tell you to go to room 4328 s-so she could explain everything," the nurse finished nervously.

Callie slammed the file back in front of the nurse and ran towards the elevator.

_Lub-dub. Lub-dub._

The brunette concentrated on her heartbeat once again as she was left alone in the elevator.

Arizona was hurt.

Once she arrived at the fourth floor, she ran towards the room the nurse had indicated her to. As she entered the room, she scanned it for any signs of her wife, but all she found was an empty bed and Meredith sitting on the side of said bed with her head held in her hands.

"NO! She can't be! She was fine at therapy!" the brunette cried at the scenery and shook her head.

Meredith jumped out from her chair at Callie's outburst and mentally kicked herself for not having thought this through.

"Callie, calm down. She's not dead, okay?", she reassured as she realized what her friend must have been thinking.

"She's not?" Callie whimpered.

"No, sweetie. She's not," the dirty blonde reassured.

Callie tried her best to calm down and even her breathing.

_Lub-dub. _

"What…" Callie began to say but was cut off by the lump in her throat, "What happened?" she managed.

Meredith took a breath and began to explain, "Callie, Arizona's in surgery right now. But-"

"In surgery? Why the hell is she in surgery?!" Callie said and felt tears begin to surface once again.

Things were supposed to be easier- well, healthier. What the hell happened?

"Arizona has an ulcer caused by stress. Bailey is trying to repair it as we speak. I told the nurse to tell you to come here so we wouldn't have an audience. But Callie-"

"An ulcer? Oh my god, that's why she couldn't sleep at night," Callie thought out loud in a whisper, "I kept accusing her of her not wanting to sleep with me a-and all this other shit about my own insecurities, but all this time it was an ulcer!" the brunette rambled through tears of worry and confusion as she paced back and forward in the private room.

"Callie, listen to me. That's not-" Meredith tried to give her friend the full explanation.

"I knew she was stressed but I didn't know it was this bad, you know?" Callie continued ignoring her friend, "I should have said something. I should have made her eat better or you know, eat at all! I'm officially the worst wife on this planet!"

"Callie, listen to me!" Meredith yelled losing her patience.

"What, Meredith?! What?!" Callie stopped pacing and focused on her friend.

"Callie, there's more," Meredith warned.

"What do you mean _there's more_?" the brunette asked feeling fear overwhelm her again.

"Sit down, Callie," Meredith said, wanting to prepare her friend.

"No. Whatever it is, tell me," Callie insisted.

"Callie, please."

"No, just say it. What more is there?" Callie asked.

After seeing the determination in her friend's eyes, Meredith decided to say it all, "Callie, Arizona tried to commit suicide."

Callie's eyes widened and her mouth let out a choked sob.

Meredith tried approaching the brunette but the Latina only moved further away.

"Don't," Callie warned.

"Callie, I'm sorry but-"

"I said don't!" Callie yelled through the hot tears that descended from her eyes, "You got it wrong, okay? Arizona wouldn't do that to me or Sofia. She wouldn't."

"Callie, you said so yourself. She's been under a lot of stress and she's in constant pain emotionally and physically with this ulcer. It's possible," Meredith tried to reason.

"No!" the brunette once again denied, "She has an ulcer, but Bailey's fixing it. That's it."

"Bailey found out about the ulcer after running some tests, Callie. She wanted to make sure Arizona hadn't tried to overdose too. She-" the dirty blonde took a deep breath before she gave away the graphic explanation, "Arizona was in a lot of pain, Callie and I guess that it took a toll on her and she didn't know what else to do. She should have gone to you and-"

"And she couldn't," Callie finished for her.

"No, that's not what I was going to say," Meredith defended herself.

"I know. But I'm saying it how it is. She couldn't come to me because we were either having sex, in therapy, or with Sofia. And if she ever tried to bring something up I would cut her off…" Callie trailed off as she thought back on the many times she cut Arizona off while she had been trying to tell her how she felt.

"Callie don't do this to yourself," Meredith said not wanting her friend to feel bad for something she had no control over.

"I should have been there for her," Callie whispered.

"Callie…"

"Can you please let me have a moment?" the brunette asked as she felt her feelings set in.

Meredith sighed, but complied, "Of course," she said as she approached the door of the private room, "But for the record, it wasn't your fault," she finished and left the room.

Callie spent about three hours with thoughts dancing around her head. They felt like the bullies from high school who tried to make her feel ashamed for having curves.

_You should have noticed._

_You're her wife._

_You shouldn't have left her. _

_You broke her. _

_Maybe she was good for your ego, but you didn't love her. _

_You don't destroy the people that you love. _

_Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub._

Her body trembled as the speculation overwhelmed her. She sniffed and tried to control her tears of emotion- the last things Arizona needed right now was for her to lose her composure. She looked for a tissue or napkin in her pockets to blow out her nose, but came up with nothing.

"Fuck!" she yelled in anger about her mishap to no one in particular.

"Um, excuse me," Callie heard and only then realized that Dr. Bailey had entered the room.

"Oh, uh, sorry, Bailey," Callie apologized and wiped her tears off with the back of her hand, "How is she? Please tell me she alright," the brunette pleaded with the shorter woman.

"Arizona is stable," the darker woman stated.

"Stable? That's all you can say? How bad was it? I need more than that, Bailey." Callie said with determination in her voice.

"Arizona is stable. She gave us quite the scare in the O.R. with the hemorrhages that had been occurring in her body, but we took care of it and she's been resting," the shorter doctor tried to explain further without being too specific.

Callie shook her head at what she was hearing, "She cut her wrist?" she asked softly, feeling the stress and exhaustion take a toll on her.

"Yes," Bailey stated and felt her own tears surface.

Callie took a shaky breath and felt more tears fall from her brown orbs but she didn't bother to wipe them away, she knew it was effortless.

Miranda Bailey saw the state her friend and colleague was in and decided to push aside all the medical training she learned as a student and approached the taller brunette.

"I'm so sorry this is happening, Callie. If any of us had known she was _this _overwhelmed, we would have told you and made her seek help."

"I know, Bailey. Thank you so much for bringing her back to me. I… I know this couldn't have been easy on you either," Callie acknowledged out loud.

Miranda simply nodded and wiped at her own tears and cleared her throat, "Would you like to see her?"

Callie bit her lip and felt it draw in blood.

_You bite your lip just a teeny bit it's barely noticeable when you study scans, and I find it really sexy._

"I don't know if I should," she managed to say as the memory faded from her mind.

"Callie, she's your wife and-"

"And I've been a big reason as to why she's been stressed," Callie tried to explain, "Look, we've been fighting and disagreeing on so many things. We were on a _break _ for crying out loud. I've neglected her in so many ways. I didn't listen to her and if I did I would cut her off. God, I suck at being a wife," she rambled off, "She shouldn't be under any more pressure or stress as it is and I'm not going to be the cause of it again."

Bailey sighed and tried to reason with her stubborn friend, "Callie, you can't blame yourself for what happened. That was her decision, not yours."

_Every time that I try to make a decision for myself, it's like you make me feel like the worst, most selfish person in the whole world._

"I don't know, Miranda. Earlier today things were said and decision were made. I-I'm not so sure…" Callie trailed off as another memory fired back at her.

"Look, I may not know what has happened between you two, but there is one things that I am certain of. You are the most important person in her life aside from Sofia. And Arizona is going to be in a lot of physical and emotional pain once she wakes up and she shouldn't have to be alone to deal with it all. It doesn't matter what has happened earlier today or what was said. Today she really needs you, and if you have neglected her before as you say you did, I suggest you begin putting aside _your_ needs this once and prioritize _hers_ so you can make up for it. Are we clear?" Bailey stated not leaving room for argument.

"Y-Yes. We're clear," Callie said and felt courage spread inside her to be there for her wife, "Can you take me to her room?"

"Of course," Bailey smiled and led her towards Arizona's private room.

Once they arrived, Callie took in a deep breath and gave the shorter doctor a strong hug, "Thank you, Bailey," she said and received a smile from her friend before she left.

As she opened the door, she took a seat beside her wife and took a shaky breath.

Arizona looked so fragile and pained even in her unconscious state.

The blonde was pale and her lips looked dry. Her usual shiny hair looked dull and without life. Her facial features accentuated the distress she was probably feeling. She had dark circles around her eyes from the lack of sleep, she had even developed an extra wrinkle on the corner of her eye. She also looked much thinner considering how she hadn't eaten correctly due to the fellowship and whenever she had the chance, the ulcer probably caused her stomach pains.

_How hadn't I seen this? _Callie thought.

She stretched out her hand to hold onto one of Arizona's hand but the bandages she found on each one made her object. She then went to caress the blonde's thigh but realized that she was by Arizona's stump and decided to move the chair towards the right side of the bed.

It pained her to see the anguish that her wife's body was expressing. She wanted to make it all better, to fix it.

_Trying to fix us is the thing that's been killing me slowly. _

A silent sob escaped her mouth once another flashback invaded her mind.

"I'm so sorry, Arizona. I'm so sorry I made you do this," she cried to her unconscious wife.

All the courage that she had felt before entering the room had evaporated into the air, and was replaced by the worst feeling of all.

Guilt.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hey, guys! Sorry I've been so MIA, but school and my personal life had me quite busy. I didn't realize I took so long to update this fic and for that I truly apologize.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter although it was quite painful to write. I always enjoy reading your reviews and all you have to say to me. It keeps me motivated so don't be shy and review!

Happy Holidays!


	5. Chapter 5

Waiting for Arizona to wake up became crucial for the brunette. She was aching to see the beautiful cerulean eyes and just… see her - be reassured that she was still there. That she hadn't really lost her for good.

Callie had been waiting for more than two hours and she was becoming impatient. She hadn't left the blonde's side for one second in fear of missing her. But now she needed for the blonde to come out of her unconscious state and talk to her and break the thought and feelings of guilt that were attacking her slowly.

_She never gave up on you, how could you give up on her?_

_She loved you and you loved her, everything else could have been solved._

_You were the nail in the coffin. _

_You broke her._

_You broke Arizona._

_You broke your wife._

_You broke the mother of your child._

_You broke the love of your life._

_How could you?_

Tears began falling silently once again and her body shook with silent sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Arizona. You didn't deserve this. You've always been there for me even when I didn't deserve it and look at how I pay you," Callie shook her head in disappointment, "Look at what I did to you." she whispered in a shaky tone and held the blonde's hand in her own and kissed her knuckles softly, "I promise that I'll make it up to you."

"D-don't."

Callie shot her head up in surprise and looked at the blonde's features, waiting for a reaction, "Arizona? Honey? I'm right here."

The blonde stirred slightly, "Please, d-don't leave."

Callie caressed her wife's cheek softly and shook her head, "I won't. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

Arizona held on tightly to Callie's hand as her body shook slightly, "Please, don't go. Not yet," she whimpered and opened her eyes, looking aimlessly around the room.

Callie felt tears burn her eyes as she heard the fear and sadness etched in her wife's voice, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, for you," the brunette said but swallowed deeply when she saw that her wife was still in a haze, "Arizona, are you here with me?" she tried but received no answer, "Arizona, please. Look at me_, please_?"

Arizona looked into Callie's eyes and held on tighter to her hand, "Calliope?"she whimpered.

Callie took in a shaky breath and smiled, "Yeah, honey. It's me. I'm right here," she confirmed.

The blonde closed her eyes in discomfort and winced when she tried to sit upright.

"What is it? What hurts?" the brunette asked and searched for answers in her wife's movements.

Arizona winced once she was finally able to sit up, "_Ow," _she said and took a deep breath to calm the wave of pain that was slamming through her body , "What happened?"

Callie bit her lip slightly and pondered on how she should answer that question. She didn't want to scare away the blonde by telling her all the information at once, but at the same time she knew that once the blonde saw the bandages on her wrists, she would know she cut herself. She figured it would be better for the blonde to hear the news from her rather than just figuring it all out on her own. So she did what she thought was right; she said the truth.

"Um, you were in surgery," she started off.

"Ugh, I figured. This hurts," the blonde complained in a childish tone causing Callie to smile at her wife's antics, "What for?"

"You had an ulcer," Callie answered and ran soft circles on the back of the blonde's hand as if to prepare her for what she had to say.

"Oh… um, how did I get here?" the blonde asked, she was curious to how it was found.

"Well… Meredith found you at the bench," Callie began.

"The bench... here at the hospital?"

"Nope," the brunette replied, "At the park."

"The park…" Arizona whispered and felt her mouth go dry.

_Fuck __**you**__, Universe._

_Be free, Calliope._

_I let darkness take over me as I feel my body weakened. I could feel the blood seeping out from my body but I didn't fight it. I felt lost to the real world and it brought comfort. I was finally free from this horrific place and could hopefully find peace somewhere else. _

_A place where nobody has power or control over me. A place where I can breathe without anxiety sinking deeper into my soul. Another universe in which it won't hurt to exist anymore because this place, where I am now, it isn't living. I haven't known what it was to really live since my brother died. I was lost. But then… it changed._

_I met Calliope. I came into her life without knowing that she would be the one who would make me feel alive again. She swept me off my feet the second her lips met mine. _

_I remember going back to my apartment that night and feeling something inside me sprout; it was hope. Callie brought hope back into my life even before we became something and even so, throughout the years she managed to break every barrier I built around myself to save myself from the disappointment. She oversaw all my wounds and scars and took me for who I was. Callie took hold of me, everything that made me who I was and I couldn't stop her. She knew everything about me and I was more than happy to give her my heart on a silver platter. I trusted her with every ounce of my being, more than anyone I ever knew - more than I trusted Tim. _

_I gave her my heart, trusting that she would cherish it and tend to it and she gave me hers to do the same. _

_And then she gave me Sofia. _

_When my daughter made her presence known I thought I would die of happiness. I never knew love until I had Sofia. She became the essence of every move I made and I couldn't fight it. She had me wrapped around her little finger since I first heard her heartbeat. And to know that Callie gave me this breathtakingly beautiful tiny human made me love them both all the more. _

_Callie had given me everything. She was __**everything**__. _

_We had found love in each other and allowed it to grow further more as we built a family. _

_We had it all._

_But it couldn't last. No, it never did in this world._

_Horrific events and old demons came back to haunt me and I allowed them to. _

_I was weak. _

_I lost the battle against myself and my own thoughts and succumbed to the mishaps and now… now I had lost Calliope._

_I had lost __**everything**__._

As Arizona reckoned back to the earlier events she couldn't help the sob that escaped her mouth. She brought the hand that wasn't occupied with Callie's to her chest as if trying to hold her heart in place before it deceased to the agony it felt.

Callie looked at Arizona and figured that the blonde had sorted out how she had gotten to where she was.

"Arizona…" she tried to think of ways to comfort her wife but couldn't come up with any solutions.

"I-I was at the park and I cut," the blonde stated.

"Yes, but this doesn't mean-"

"I took a scalpel and tried to end my life," Arizona whispered. Her body shook, trying hard to dissolve to all the emotions occurring but not being granted the permission.

"It's okay," Callie reassured her, " We can get through this. We can-"

"_We?_" Arizona rasped out. She let the anger and hurt be known in her eyes as she looked at her wife, "There is no_ we._"

Callie whimpered at her wife's tone, but held on tightly with both hands to Arizona's hand, "Arizona, _please_. Don't do this."

Arizona swallowed thickly, "You made your bed, now lay in it."

Tears escaped the brunettes eyes, "Arizona, please. _I love you_," she begged and kissed her wife's hand softly.

Arizona snatched her hand away as she felt the tender contact and winced at the pain searing through her body, "Get out."

Callie shook her head, "No, no. I love you a-and we can get through this!"

"I said get out!"the blonde insisted causing the brunette to jump out of her seat.

"Please, don't-"

"GET OUT!" Arizona yelled and felt a tear escape her eye.

Callie stood back and blinked several times trying to control her tear ducts, "I'll leave, but not for good. I won't make that mistake again," she said and upon seeing her wife turn her face away from her, she let her shoulders slump left.

Once Arizona saw the door closed once Callie left, she took a shaky breath.

"Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry," she told herself but it was in vain, she couldn't stop the tears nor the pain that overwhelmed her.

Her body shook with harsh sobs and cries became louder even as she tried to control herself. Everything hurt. The physical pain was awful, but the emotional anguish was suffocating.

"Will this pain ever stop?" she asked herself as she struggled to keep the tears at bay but it was hopeless.

Everything felt hopeless.

Everything hurt.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:Hey, beautiful readers! As you may have noticed, I changed the title to this story. I decided to do so once I realized there was another story that had been written with the same characters and same title and I didn't want it to cause problems later on in the future.

I appreciate all the feedback I get from you all. And just so you know, as much as I love receiving an email that shows that now someone is following this story, a review is what really boosts my motivation to keep doing this. So if you'd be so kind, please review and let me know what you think or how you feel about this story so far.

Have a nice weekend, xoxo!


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